the listenerd

optimized for maximum incontinence

Month: October, 2011

Links for October 26, 2011: A pair of shoes is not a walking machine

*Products: Aeroshots are caffeine inhalers that look like ammunition cartridges. (The last time I put something that looked like an ammunition cartridge in my mouth, it was on a dare and I ended up having to have 1-1/3 of my tonsils removed via emergency surgery.)

*Food: Edible spray paint is perhaps the BEST idea for a product since caffeine that can be inhaled via a device that looks like an ammunition cartridge! Now if you could just huff edible spray paint to get a caffeine high…

*Note: I did not know, until watching this “Weird Bikes” video, that bicycles began as WALKING MACHINES that were not even pedaled! In fact, I have always referred to the Segway as the original walking machine, and always with utter derision.

*Apps: A 50-year-old British man has embedded an iPhone into his prosthetic arm.

*Look: Bem Legaus’ chainmail art is AWESOME. My brothers and I, when we were kids, would often use pizza boxes as shields and the cardboard inserts left over after using up rolls of wrapping paper as swords. That’s right, we were too poor to afford chainmail. A fact that still haunts me to this day. Also, I had to wear Lee jeans in 7th grade. It was demoralizing, and I firmly believe that it is a major contributor to my lifelong lack of sexual charisma.

*Apparel: These touchscreen gloves from Muji aren’t what I was thinking AT ALL. (I was thinking of normal gloves with 3-inch-long extensions made out of hot dogs.)

*Money: Ben Tarnoff writes about the publishing industry in “The Worst Business in the World” for Lapham’s Quarterly. The first sentence is a doozy: “Imagine an industry where seventy percent of your products lose money.”

*Similar: On a related note, Jeopardy’s Ken Jennings is the 99%.

*Today’s links: F.

Links for October 25, 2011: Please candle your earhole at your earliest convenience

*Mashup: This bicycle plays an LP while you ride it. And it is a VIDEO.

*Tattly: Bikes + types = temporary tattoos? (The apogee of the form, of course, is the Helvetica fixie.)

*Immersion: Immerse yourself in the world of Japan’s ear-cleaning parlors. A 30-minute ear waxing costs about $32. Seems reasonable? (Exaggerated Pee Wee Herman “What?” quote.)

*Yum: Adult Pixie Stix (Trixy Stix!) do not contain what you are IMAGINING they contain (I do not know what you are imagining they contain), they are, in fact, filled with flavors such as beet rose and black sesame. Also, there’s a weird video trailer for this whole deal.

*Amazon: This is Spinal Tape. (This is tape that looks like a spine.) [laughing squid]

*Hacking: Moneyfacing is Sleeve Facing, but with money. (I hope you know what I’m talking about.)

*Video: “To Die by Your Side” by Spike Jonze. The beret. The books. The music. The living covers. Crying into my cupped hands.

*Words: Sweet Lord Baby Jesus Christ Almighty, are you trying to tell me that the site that was named best grammar blog of 2011 is a hideous collection of insanely annoying ads?

*Today’s links: F.

Links for October 24, 2011: Blessed are the cheesmakers

*School: I’m still a little sheepish about the fact that I do not have a single advanced degree. The Wisconsin Grilled Cheese Academy may help me change that. I’m thinking of doing my thesis on how using mayonnaise on a grilled cheese sandwich is an affront to god. And Jesus.

*Photgraphs: Katy Perry visits Occupy Wall Street (not nude). Apparently, Gaius Baltar is the only celebrity who cares to attend Occupy Wall Street in the nude? Also, apparently OWS has a theme song now, from Bill Fox, no less.

*Music: Oink: A Concept Album. (That’s not the real album title, just what it should have been named.) The real thing is One Pig by Matthew Herbert, and it’s an album made from sounds captured during the short, sad life of one little porker. [notcot]

*Testing: Can you match some fictional rock bands with the books in which they appeared? I did not do well. Probably because I am a dropout of the Wisconsin Grilled Cheese Academy. (Important note: I have not even been accepted into the Wisconsin Grilled Cheese Academy.)

*Books: Chicks With Guns. Paper and glue, the good, old-fashioned publishing industry, is our final bastion of intellectualism. [minusmanhattan]

*Business: Netflix and Groupon continue in their head-to-head battle to see who can fail more spectacularly.

*Glam: Rémy Tassou’s disco ball made out of cellphones has really inspired me. In fact, I am planting one thousand disposable razors in my frontyard right now, in an effort to make a “lawn beard.” Yes, a lawn beard MADE OUT OF RAZORS. [unconsumption]

*Mashups: Kanye’d by the bell. A tumblr. I assume inspired by LOLcats and heavy alcohol consumption.

*Local: Read on as The Deets blogger Ed Kohler continues his campaign against public financing of a new Vikings stadium. Worse than paying for a 21,000 car Arden Hills parking lot, I received an unwanted Yellow Pages on my stoop this week. In a plastic bag, no less.

*Twitter: Here are some tweets I like.

*Today’s links: F.

Video: The Mother of All Hot Wheels Tracks

The video seems strangely cut, but my favorite part was the dinosaur.

Video: Tom Waits hits on an old lady


Self-defense: Bikendo

This is a couple years old, but it seems important to note that bicycles can be used for self-defense.

Video: Kinetic Type_Black

Ken Nordine’s voiceover on some dude’s college project. Ken’s 91, and hasn’t posted any videos to his YouTube account in several months, so I’m a little worried. He liked some stuff last week, though?

Links for October 21, 2011: Where would you like your Coke bottle?

*Imagery: Don’t miss this brilliantly arresting art, Plasticizer, by Liu Bolin. It’s from an incredible set of images of 21st century China. (This is really a must-see photo collection.) [fallows]

*Art: These dioramas, MINIATURES NO LESS, were created underwater. You heard that right. UNDERWATER. Look at them and allow your jaw to DROP. (You’ll note that I RESISTED the urge to make a crude “under-toilet-water sculpture” reference. Almost.) [coudal]

*Sartorial splendour: TieSight is an app that uses a MacBook’s camera to step one through tying a tie. I don’t wear ties, but I would someday like to learn how to shave? [poploser]

*Holidays: I don’t know what I will be dressing up as for Halloween, but the costume will definitely include a 300-piece chocolate gladiator bikini.

*Greenery: This microblog on microlawns is fairly amusing? “Unexpectedly erotic mons pubis form, measuring 3 feet across, deemed so provocative that Its location has been hidden by the Censors.” [mefi]

*Chestnuts: Coudal reminds us of this old chestnut, while that fall nip in the air reminds us that It’s Decorative Gourd Season, Motherfuckers.

*Ideas: Fluevog is putting a vending machine full of smart, handcrafted gew gaws in its public break room and Flueseum. Nurturing creative ideas = good for workers, good for business.

*Local: Polica is going to be playing at the Turf Club – right down the street! – on November 7th.

*Fun fact: One of the most popular searches for this site is “Coke bottle in ass.” That sounds terribly unappetizing!

*Today’s links: F.

Video: John Lennon and Miles Davis play basketball

While smoking.

[via pocketmonsterd]

Links for October 20, 2011: The Waiting Ball

*Gifs: This Waiting gif is incredible. Mesmerizing. How can something that should elicit a stress response soothe so naturally? [mktg]

*Today’s link: F.

Links for October 18th, 2011: Extreme dentistry

*Compelling: There has never been a reader who has come to this site intentionally who would NOT click on a link to pictures of animals with guns for horns. NEVER. See “The Evolution Will Be Fabulous” by Peter Gronquist. And see it well, by God.

*E-retail: Dmitry Itskov is planning on creating a humanoid avatar body within 5 to 7 years. It would then be possible for a person to upload a consciousness into this body. Please pre-order me one 9-foot-tall, female Andre the Giant avatar body. (Don’t ask.)

*Images: In “The Conditions of Winter” Rinat Voligamsi reimagines life in the Russian Red Army in a pretty chillingly awesome way. I want upside-down shadow soldiers marching across a tundra in my home. [mktg]

*Holy: Check out this visualization, which applies modern day sentiment analysis to the Bible. (I was surprised to see so much negativity around laws for cleansing lepers.) [the wuzzles]

*Quotable: Mat Honan writes about Generation X on his tumblr. “Generation X is sick of your bullshit.” And “Generation X wasn’t surprised.” And, my favorite, “Generation X is a journeyman.” (Actually, I would have loved a post that was simply a list of these sort of statements.)

*Brilliance: I did a little tweet of this today, but its brilliance is worth the repeat. The YouTube Insult Generator by Adrian Holovaty should be read about and played with by anyone who cares about the internet, America, or the accidental brilliance that can be found in abject stupidity.

*Football: This Boba Fett viking helmet makes me wonder if Mr. Fett would actually be an upgrade to this year’s Queens secondary. Even though he is deceased.

*Today’s links: F.

Links for October 17th: “It went to shit.”

*Video: These electricity-free lightbulbs made out of water bottles are illuminating the homes of thousands of people throughout the Philippines.

*Clothing: Do you believe this Hitchcock vs. Angry Birds design should make its way onto a t-shirt? You can help. I mean, it wouldn’t be as helpful as giving thousands of poor people the gift of electricity-free light. It’s more like helping one guy, a graphic designer who probably has a nicer computer than you. And whose glasses are probably obnoxious. Like maybe square. Or clear.

*Online: The recent Moot talk that’s going around, the one in which he speaks about how identity is prismatic and Facebook and Google are doing it wrong strikes a chord with me. (I’m saying that not only as the listenerd, but as all of my selves. I guess it struck a chord with mes.)

*Food: Bourdain talks to Playboy. Basically, I’ll go anywhere Golden Fiddle sends me. “I don’t mind looking like an asshole on television or looking like an idiot if that was the reality of the situation.” This quote hits me right between the eyes. Especially the “reality of the situation” part.

*Television: Beavis and Butthead is coming back to MTV, and the reporter who wrote this profile thinks Mike Judge is hot!

*Movies: I have enjoyed nearly every Pixar movie I have ever seen, and think John Lasseter is a smart and talented man. However, Cars 2 was a steaming pile of elephant feces, conceived and executed for all the worst reasons in seemingly as crass a manner as possible. (John Lasseter disagrees.)

*Exercise: Let’s say for a moment that you take up the fitness activity known as kettle bells. Shouldn’t your kettle bells look like demons? Or maybe huge donuts? Also, if you prefer the term kettle balls, they could look like testicles. But that’s a little obvious, isn’t it, pervert?

*Today’s links: F.

Links for October 15, 2011:

*Listicles: Defective Yeti determines his own blood alcohol level based on what he’s wearing when he wakes up after a night of drinking.

*Transmedia: Forget the Tumblr-turned-book deal. It’s time for the comment-turned-screenplay. A Reddit comment has lead to a screenwriting deal. (The comment was based around the question, What if U.S. Marines were transported back in time to fight Roman legions?)

*Photography: When I say “throwable panoramic ball camera,” does your brain accidentally translate it into “throw up” and then a string of some other words that don’t matter nearly as much as throw up does? Mine does. Mine does. [via notcot]

*Music: Sonic Youth’s Kim Gordon and Thurston Moore have split up. What will now happen to the band is unclear.

*Walking backwards: Hull, Wisconsin is considering banning bicycles and pedestrians from its streets. Shouldn’t we get past the day and age when people discriminate against cyclists and move directly to publicly torturing roller bladers? [via treehugger]

*Mashups: Horn Bike is a bike mount-cum-amplifier for your iPhone. In some ways I fear that this would make texting while biking TOO easy. Also, Etsy comes to the fixie crowd with this bike planter. If only you could give a bicycle a beard. OMG, get an easily completed online business plan form!

*Today’s links: Fudge.

Links for October 13, 2011: Switch bugs on an obvious refusal

*Breaking!: 98% of the skeletal remains of a theropod who died in its youth have been found in southern Germany! This may be the most complete dinosaur fossil ever discovered! (My son made me put all those exclamations in there. In fact, he is responsible for this entire entry.)

*Cramping: Check out these Foogos, logos of sports team and comic book characters that are made out of food. Nearly debilitating in their wasteful and overindulgent repulsiveness! What we really need is a Minnesota Vikings logo made out of dog shit.

*Neurotypicality: Those who know me well might understand why I have a special interest in neurotypicality and empathy. I found this online empathy quotient test that Coudal linked to interesting for a couple reasons. One was because it was designed by the foremost authority on Autism Spectrum Disorder, Simon Baron-Cohen (cousin of Ali G), and two because I got the AVERAGE male score. I’m totally average!!!

*Battles in the Sky: This New York Times video features the timeless art of kite fighting. It’s important here to remember the words of Sun Tzu, “[Something something] TOO MUCH SLACK! PULL IT! NOW RUN!! GO GO!!”

*Local: The Minneapolis startup scene is remarkably dismal. I guess it receives no help (in my book, at least) from Wahooly, a new “alpha” service that gets a bunch of people to market startups. I am depressed. Also, I think I went to high school with one of the founders. AM I STARTING TO LOOK OLD AROUND THE EYES??? On an even more tangential note, sometimes I wonder if the folds under George Clooney’s eyes smell like cigarette smoke.

*Podcasts: It sounds like Alec Baldwin will be launching a podcast soon. Though I have become HIGHLY reliant on podcasts for my information and entertainment needs of late, I’m a little trepidatious of this one simply because I recently learned via Mr. Baldwin’s Twitter feed that he is a huge fan of THE EAGLES. (YES, THE INCREDIBLY TEDIOUS BAND.)

*Medicine: This oncologist speculating about the cause and arc of Steve Jobs’ illness and death is jarring. [mefi]

*Identity: I am Charles Vasa. We are all Charles Vasa.

*Today’s links: F.