the listenerd

optimized for maximum incontinence

Tag: esquire

Links for 10.19.09: Dude, Sarah Palin, Bono

*Language: Esquire’s “State of Modern Language for Men” has many points with which I disagree. Firstly, “dude” has not been retired. It has been made so ubiquitous that it’s utility is approaching infinity. Learn the difference, assholes.

*Consumption: The American List helps you buy American. I guess. [joshspear]

*Bono: Bono thinks it’s time to rebrand America. Even his attempts at striking a self-deprecating tone reek of smugness. And eelpout.

*Sport: Parahawking is skydiving with hawks. Sure, but I would like to see this done by a person wearing a suit made out of meat. [neatorama]

*Networking: Sarah Palin has a profile on LinkedIn. It doesn’t look like we’re that closely connected. [jimray]

*TV: I struggle to NOT link to The Mad Men Power Rankings on a weekly basis. And if you think THAT sounds like an internal battle, ask me about my love for getting really fat and talking about how bald I am.

*Today’s grade: Weak.

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Links for 7.19.09: P-fork’s festival, Cronkite’s moustache, ice cream clouds…

*Festivals: Read NPR’s take on the Pitchfork Music Festival. Because public radio rules the rock and roll roost. (The previous statement contains an implicit commentary about modern society and the devolution of formerly rebellious forms of art.)

*Streaming: Spotify is on its way to the U.S. Slate reviews. I don’t normally care much for Slate.

*Phones: Textually points out this fat-burning concept phone. With obesity on the rise, how about a phone that derives energy straight from our expanding fat stores? You know what I mean? (Our guts.)

*Twitter: It has been stated that in the world of twitter, there are two camps: the favoriters and the retweeters. Here is a look into the enemy camp. [venturebeat]

*Illness: Melissa Auf der Maur kept a Swine Flu diary. [earfarm]

*Podcasts: I linked to this on Twitter, but I need to do it again. Listen to this podcast from The Memory Palace on Ben Franklin and his rumored death ray.

*Video: Howard Rheingold talking about 21st century literacies. I can’t spell. Or think. Or read.

*Ice cream: The Cloud Project proposes to seed neighborhoods with ice cream-flavored clouds. [wmmna]

*Obits: Walter Cronkite died. Esquire posted his “What I’ve Learned” interview. “I grew my mustache when I was nineteen in order to look older. I never shaved it off even though it overran its usefulness many, many years ago.”

*More on music and torture: Prisoners forced to listen to Dr. Dre and Eminem for 20 days straight. [harper’s]

Links for 6.3.09: Sexy uglies, wild dog commuters, Seeking Seekins, pudding…

*Cork: Is it art or is it cork? This reminds me, I have several cases of wine that need drinking. Boxed wine. But I will be wearing cork pants while drinking it. [bits]

*Twitter: Two interesting tidbits from this post from Economix (a highly recommended blog from the NYT) about Twitter – 1) The median number of lifetime tweets among all twitter users is one. 2) Men are 15% more likely to follow men on twitter than they are to follow women. Also, Kirstie Alley may have found her medium. I don’t know what that says about her. Or the medium.

*Music covers: The 20 personality traits of record and CD covers. They’re not exactly personality traits, but they do point out some of the form’s shorthand. [presurfer]

*Trailers: The video for the Beatles Rock Band game is lovely and amazing and animated and lovely and nice. Bollocks.

*Food: Ice cream that turns into pudding? What will they think of next? Beer that turns into martinis? OMG, BRB. [lowindustrial]

*Humans: Nerve puts out its own list of the 20 Sexiest Ugly People. Biz Markie at #15 is an inspired choice. Additionally, and for the record, my looks have been compared to John Malkovich’s on a number of occasions. And now I’m crying. Crying into my cupped hands. While typing this. [urlesque]

*States: In Nate Silver’s (is he Sir Nate Silver yet?) most recent article for Esquire, he points out that Minnesotans are happier with the state they live in than Hawaiians, and are near the top of the happy meter among states. (The article doesn’t appear to be online yet.)

*Local: I saw Minneapolis artist and man-about-town Scott Seekins yesterday and promptly reported him to SeekingSeekins. (I used the name JOSH in this report and may have exaggerated some portions of the encounter/sighting. Don’t hate me because I’m stupid. Or because I look like John Malkovich.)

*Commuting: Wild dogs take the commuter trains from the suburbs to the city in Russia. Fucking freeloaders. [treehugger]

*Local: A short story in the fiction issue of the New Yorker by Jonathan Franzen takes place in our beloved St. Paul. This local blogger was contacted by a NYer fact checker about the story.

Also, Heavy Table names the city’s two worst cups of coffee. AND I AGREE. (Also, Nina’s has pretty nasty coffee. Java Train also pours a terrible cup. Great train, though.) [brauer]

*AN OPEN LETTER TO HARPER’S: Open up your RSS feed. Make your page somewhat readable. Good content; please let me see access it without such pain. Thank you.

Links for 3.14.09: Tom Waits, meltdown charts, Mary-Louise Parker…

*Movies: Tom Waits will appear in a post-apocalyptic Western called “The Book of Eli.” Based on imminent events.

*Data: Here are 27 visualizations and infographics to help you better understand our current global economic meltdown. [mefi]

*Fights: Lefsetz Letter Guy Bob Lefsetz vs. KISS Guy Gene Simmons. The most yawn-inducing vs. since Gene Simmons vs. That One Chick in that one video on Gawker whenever that was. [vicarious]

*Twitter: You may find this list of 100 things more popular than twitter amusing. I read all the way through it, expecting to see “your mom.” But no.

*Recession: Have I mentioned recently how the global economic meltdown is significantly changing the economy of recycling? Barges of garbage. It kind of rhymes, but it’s also sad.

*Songwriting: Mary-Louise Parker REALLY likes Josh Ritter in the most recent issue of Esquire.

*Interviews: The idea of reading a Twitterview between George Stephanopoulos and John McCain makes me sick. Almost as sick as the idea of listening to a podcast between Sam Beam and yours truly makes me. Also, fascinating that John McCain is still using tinyurl rather than Bit.ly (NO CLUE). [huffpo]

*Notes: Four things to read.

Links for 3.9.09: Twitter radio, must-own albums, Lemmy’s ‘stache…

*Beamcast: No word from Sam Beam yet on the podcast I have proposed he record with me. I’ll be honest: I’ve spent the past 3 weeks crying, crying into my cupped hands.

*Twitter: ♬.ws is also known as Musebin. And it helps you search for music on Twitter. The music stuff happening around Twitter is interesting in a theoretical sort of way, but I am – as a user – part of the lazy middle, and still haven’t discovered any music-specific Twitter applications that have lit my fire. [tds]

*More Twitter: One experimenter is sorting tweets by sentiment and broadcasting them over the radio. (There’s video! Of radio! Kind of.)

*Furthermore: More people I know have been joining twitter lately and hating on it. This post from Online Fandom is as in tune with the possibilities of the medium as anything else I’ve read – especially point 5) “Twitter is temporal and cumulative”. OK, I’m done with twitter again.

*Men: Esquire goes all prescriptive, and tells the world the 75 albums every human male should own. Any asshole who’s ever heard the old saw “Build a house, plant a tree, write a book…” knows that “The Best of Elmo” needs to be on there. OK. I could be wrong.

*YouTube: Muziic pulls music off YouTube for streaming. I find the interface to be haunting. In a bad way. Like Linkin Park.

*More YouTube: RockPeaks is a collection of live music performances pulled from YouTube. [waxy]

*Pictures: Time runs the Cobbe oil painting, supposedly the only portrait of the bard made while he was alive. Weird, since everyone knows Shakespeare never existed. [mefi]

*Pop: Sasha Frere-Jones takes on Neko Case in the New Yorker. “I’m kind of the horn section of any band I’m in.”

*Hair: The 5 most important moustaches in music. LEMMY. [spinner]

*Loops: The Mimi Switch would allow one to control his or her iPod by blinking. [textually]

*Local: Brother Ali’s “The Truth is Here” EP gets a 7.4 from Peefork. Numbers are weird, and that’s why I keep looking at them, I think.

*Today: C, due to quantity. And too much effing Web 2.0 B.S.

Links for 12.18.08: MySpace’s Swift love, being late, typewriters…

coronap

*Lists: MySpace’s releases its list of top tunes on the network over the past year – and as Mashable notes, you can see obvious differences in the ages of users of that social network compared to iTunes. Popular are Taylor Swift, T.I., and Chris Brown. No Coldplay in sight. [why i failed]

*Green: The New York Times calls Neil Young “a figure of blunt efficiency.” Blunt. Heeeeeeeee.

*What They’ve Learned: Alice Cooper is a pretty sharp dude. A few things he’s learned – “My mom taught me that everything causes lockjaw. But I’ve never met anybody who got tetanus.” And – “Never be late. When you’re late, what you’re saying is that your time is more important than the other person’s time. That’s pretty egotistical.”

*Headphones: Check out this set of Head(banger)phones; they’re tricked out with an accelerometer, so the listener can alter the music as he or she bops his or her head to the beat. [gizmodo]

*Interviews: Jack White interviews Cate Blanchett. Says White, “Erotomania: A rare disorder in which a person holds a delusional belief that another person, usually of higher social status, is in love with him or her.” Also, there is a picture of Cate Blanchett dressed kind of like a hot robot. [indieblogheaven]

*Movies: Baz Luhrmann is slated to direct “The Great Gatsby” next. Rafe Fiennes is the only one American enough to play Jay Gatsby, in my opinion. And Daisy should obviously be played by Daisy Fuentes.

*Errata: Funny mistake in the execrable Star Tribune, as dummy text makes it to print. [s4xton]

*Two things: Kottke links to the periodic table of awesomeness (which is pretty awesome), but also talks some sense about the most overhyped animal product of our time: delicious bacon.

*Typewriters: Here is a LOVELY collection typewriters. They aren’t mine. The one above is. And, in fact, I type all of my blog posts on it. Even though I’m now an intuitive Dvorak layout user. [spincity]

Links for 10.28.08: Wal-mart slashes, Red State sex, toast…

*Downloads: Wal-mart has cut prices on its top-selling song downloads to just $0.74 each. [idolator]

*Legally Dead: Whoa. The Grateful Dead’s lawyer was a pretty cool dude. He allowed live tapings of the shows, had the band incorporate and offer health benefits, and kept the Dead’s recordings for the band itself.

*Music videos: MTVMusic.com, a site that allows people who like music videos to watch them. Like YouTube, but with fewer users.

*Piano: The Wall Street Journal profiles 16-year-old autistic piano prodigy Matt Savage.

*Ideas: The New York Times Ideas blog is pretty damn good. Recently they pointed to a New Yorker piece on sex and stigma in red and blue states – “As long as a girl doesn’t abort, red-state families are “relatively unruffled” by the pregnancy. In blue states, by contrast, teen sex and contraception are tolerated, but pregnancy is stigmatized.”

*Magazines: Again, Esquire seriously needs some help on the web. But these low-key triumphs are triumphs. And they are also low key. A few: Charlie Gibson, Keira Knightley’s breasts, toast and the moon.

*Money: TuneCore, the music distribution aid for indie bands, raised $7M in venture funding recently. How do you land seven large in this credit environment? And why do you? [paid content via daily swarm]

*Work: I had an absolutely horseshit day at work today. Though not as bad as many. Here are some work things I’ve done recently: a thingy on MultiMe (a new macrotrend) and pulled together a multi-author piece on the economic meltdown.

10.16.08: More recommendations and anti-recommendations

Recommendations:

-The twitterstream of Remiel. He is very angry and works in an office. And in marketing.
-The KFC Famous Bowl: It is not good for eating, but as a thought experiment delving into the basest aspects of our nature, it is unparalleled.
Joe the Plumber: For all your toilet unclogging needs (not the political icon in apogee).
Flying Wangs: Always. ALWAYS.
Weboggle
-This line from the recent Arianna Huffington profile in the New Yorker: “In the higher echelons of New York and Los Angeles society, merely asking a question about someone else is taken as evidence of savantlike people skills.”
Craigslist: (I AM MEETING CRAIG NEXT WEEK.) [The reason for my excitement is because he is balder than I am. I THINK.]
Aesthetic Apparatus: I have an Aesthetic Apparatus thing called Shrinkin’ Lincoln in my living room. (Not a euphemism.)
Goldenfiddlr: Awesome like Golden Fiddle, but without all the distracting high-concept bullshit. Or comments.
Son of a bitch: Use it. Bitches.

Anti-recommendations:
New Amsterdam gin: It tastes like tiny oranges. Or maybe clementines. Everyone knows gin is supposed to taste like the bottom of your bathtub mixed with the sweat of F. Scott Fitzgerald’s balls.
The Dow Jones Industrial Average
Joe the Plumber: Not named Joe, not a plumber, not really much of a tax payer, and worst of all, bald.
Womanizer: Don’t watch it unless you like greasy, naked people. And writhing. And sugar pop music.
-Black mead: I can’t stress my disgust with this substance enough.

Links for 7.14.08: iPhone music apps, Guns n’ games, Snoop’s smarts…

*iPhone: Pandora and Last.fm introduce apps for the new iPhone.

*Videogames: Guns ‘n Roses is putting one of the tunes from the forthcoming Chinese Democracy, “Shackler’s Revenge,” on Rock Band 2. [daily swarm] I want my free Dr. Pepper.

*Money: For rockers, the money isn’t in the album, it’s in the old crap. (Rock memorabilia prices surge.) [pop candy]

*Localish: Pitchfork gives The Hold Steady’s Stay Positive an 8.4. I didn’t even know they were still doing these score things!

*Food: Make your own guitar lunchbox. Or lunchbox guitar.

*Speakers: Who doesn’t want stereo system components shaped like nuts? Peanuts, people. Peanuts.

*Wisdom: Esquire’s What I’ve Learned column by Snoop Dogg. Esquire needs help with their web strategy. They also need a music blogger. I’m just saying.

*Off topic: Apparently, the city in which I attended high school is the best place to live in the country. If that’s the case, though, why am I so bald?

Links for 6.16.06: Bonnaroo downloads, Miley’s MySpace, Tupac’s eats?

*Check out Largehearted Boy’s 2008 Bonnaroo Downloads and Streams page for music from the festival. Largehearted boy is a good blog. [understatement]

*Metalseek: A search engine for ALL your heavy metal web content needs. [simplespark]

*Tupac Shakur would have been 37 today. Also, he apparently runs a restaurant in an Indonesian food court.

*Esquire collects the best t-shirts at Bonnaroo. Also, Esquire has a lot to learn about retarded ads. I am crying. On the inside. And outside.

*Slate examines network news shows’ theme music. [snarkmarket]

*Miley Cyrus has been posting pics of herself hanging out with a BOY on her MySpace page. Uh oh. [buzzfeed]

*The New York Timesreview of the Hold Steady’s new album, “Stay Positive”: “[a] lean, unstoppable fourth album.”

*Video: New Mates of State video, for “My Only Offer.” HAS PARENTING KILLED THIS BAND? [getty images]

*Local: Hyder Ali is a Minneapolis hip-hop group. I’m just saying.

Words that go nowhere: quotes sans links

An irregular listenerd featurette.

I am sick and tired of living in the Age of the Asshole. What a falling is there. Would Rooster Cogburn holler, “Fill your hand, you asshole”? No, he wouldn’t. “Son of a bitch” is something he can get his eye, his belly, his back, his head, his heart, his cojones, and the rest of him into.
-Roy Blount Jr., Esquire, 7.08

Also from said issue:
The old president and baby girl–Bill and Hill–they tried to double-wop on him–boo bop. But he have enough game to get out of that.
-Snoop Dogg on Barack Obama

“Little Jonathan is not a good rap name.
-Lil Jon, GQ, 6.08

One of the best things a guy can call another guy, I think, is bitch. ‘Sup bitch? It’s cool. Then again, I wouldn’t have suggested that Andrew Meyer scream, “Don’t tase me, bitch!” in his hour of need.
-Russ Spencer writing for GQ, 5.08

Links for 12.10.07: Non-news, Imeem’s coup, Pac-Man X-mas +

*OK: WEIRD. The readers of Hypebot (or maybe one particularly vehement reader especially) have nominated the listenerd in the category of Best Music News Blog. For the record, I do not really consider this a music news blog at all, but rather simply an “amalgamation of crap that is interesting to me” blog.

*Social music site Imeem has signed Universal to a contract; now has deals with all four majors. Wow. (More at BusinessWeek. [mashable]

*Culture Bully tries to call the top ten music videos of the year.

*Bono on U2’s next album: “There’s some trance influences.”

On a tangential note, new listenerd readers should note that I hate Bono. [vicarious]

*Stereogum is worth $5M. OK, nice. [idolator]

*How would you like to read an interview about a list of lists? OK. [fimoculous]

*Commercial: If you want to support Pandora, you may perhaps buy their trippy posters for your friends.

*It is by now well known that Fark has tried to copyright NSFW. Those motherfuckers. Oops.

*Local: The A.V. Club interviews Dan Wilson.

*Cracked does good lists these days. The 9 Most Unnecessary Greatest Hits Albums of All Time: Vanilla Ice, Nelson… [mediaor]

*Off topic: The Pac-Man Christmas Tree.

*Not THAT music-related, but I recommend perusing the Esquire Drinks Database. For the sake of your palate. [josh spear]